How High?

If time is measured by
the progress of existence
as it exists on our planet,
observed at a distance of 6,371 kilometers from its center

how high do I need to get
in order for
time
to stop?

Limericks

There once was a girl named Sue,
Who never knew just what to do,
So she sat on her ass,
And she felt very crass,
And now she is seventy-two.

There once was a teacher named Jane,
Who felt that her life was a pain.
So she never tried hard
And her teaching was marred
And her students are now all insane.

There once was a bat named Fry
Who never quite learned how to fly
So he got on the bus
And caused quite a fuss
And he's lucky that he didn't die.

There once was a poet named Vlad,
Who denied that his poems were bad,
So he set out to publish,
But his stuff was pure rubbish
And the rejections did make him quite sad.

Darn You to Heck!

Finally, I thought. It had taken four days to staple the tower of memos my boss had given me. Was it four days? It was hard to remember. It was hard to remember when I even started the job, or what company I worked for, or who the memos were for. Every time I tried to read what was on the memo my vision blurred or blood from my fingers obscured the words. My fingers had started bruising on day two, and started bleeding on day three, but I couldn't stop. I couldn't sleep. I hadn't eaten anything, drank anything, or gone to the bathroom. I wasn't sure if I should even still be alive.

I heard a knock on the door. I turned, in horror, to see Stan. At least, that was what his name tag said. And I could tell he was my boss because his name tag said "Stan", and under it, "CEO". HECK INDUSTRIES is the other thing his name tag said. I had never heard of it, but I was able to infer it was the company I was working for.

"You're gonna have to do these again," he said, wheeling in a cart of bloodstained memos. He pulled one down and put it very close to my face. "The staples are not level," he said. "This is not up to company standards". He placed a staple remover on the desk and walked back towards the door.

"And hey," he said with a charming smile, "welcome to Heck Industries".

The Olentangy River Monster

Long ago, when the river was still called
keenhongsheconsepung,
the fearsome, scaly monster sung
A song
That transcended time,
that beckoned to its brothers and sisters
on a distant planet.
Unknowing that there would be no reply.
The last of its kind,
does it still sing?
Or hum?
As it slowly chews on the lost shopping carts of the city

Sally the Duck

Sally wanted more than anything to be a good, law-abiding duck of the Summer Pond flock. She watched each duck of the flock and imitated their best moves. She wore her best feathers. She dashed across the water quickly to eat a bug. She tried her best to fly across the water and then skim it before landing gracefully and fluffing her feathers. She let out a very practiced quack, but the flock did not recognize her efforts.

This is because Sally was a salamander.