Darn You to Heck!

Finally, I thought. It had taken four days to staple the tower of memos my boss had given me. Was it four days? It was hard to remember. It was hard to remember when I even started the job, or what company I worked for, or who the memos were for. Every time I tried to read what was on the memo my vision blurred or blood from my fingers obscured the words. My fingers had started bruising on day two, and started bleeding on day three, but I couldn't stop. I couldn't sleep. I hadn't eaten anything, drank anything, or gone to the bathroom. I wasn't sure if I should even still be alive.

I heard a knock on the door. I turned, in horror, to see Stan. At least, that was what his name tag said. And I could tell he was my boss because his name tag said "Stan", and under it, "CEO". HECK INDUSTRIES is the other thing his name tag said. I had never heard of it, but I was able to infer it was the company I was working for.

"You're gonna have to do these again," he said, wheeling in a cart of bloodstained memos. He pulled one down and put it very close to my face. "The staples are not level," he said. "This is not up to company standards". He placed a staple remover on the desk and walked back towards the door.

"And hey," he said with a charming smile, "welcome to Heck Industries".

The Olentangy River Monster

Long ago, when the river was still called
keenhongsheconsepung,
the fearsome, scaly monster sung
A song
That transcended time,
that beckoned to its brothers and sisters
on a distant planet.
Unknowing that there would be no reply.
The last of its kind,
does it still sing?
Or hum?
As it slowly chews on the lost shopping carts of the city

Sally the Duck

Sally wanted more than anything to be a good, law-abiding duck of the Summer Pond flock. She watched each duck of the flock and imitated their best moves. She wore her best feathers. She dashed across the water quickly to eat a bug. She tried her best to fly across the water and then skim it before landing gracefully and fluffing her feathers. She let out a very practiced quack, but the flock did not recognize her efforts.

This is because Sally was a salamander.