"Oy! Hallo litl lais! Howdya doo? Ye've got serm odd cluthes on ye, war ye from?"
Goddammit you stupid fucking good for nothing watch. I meant Middle Age, not Middle Ages, why can't you understand that? Why can't you get it through your little fucking skull? And now there's this stupid man who doesn't even know how to talk--he's probably scared out of his mind and I don't even have the right clothes--I'm wearing a SNUFF for christ sake, like that's not going to give it away. I'm gonna lose my license thanks to you, you stupid little fucking--
"Uoohffee, ye've got un erm on de syeed, ye doo!"
"I have an arm on my side, yeah." Big whoop. You stupid watch, brought me to a place where there aren't even side arms. You hear that? This guy doesn't even know what a side arm is.
"Uf, but why doo ye ned et fer? Ther other erms werk just fyeen, yes mum?"
And now he's calling me mum. You brought me to the Mum Fetish Ages. Thanks, this is wonderful. I'll have you know I'm very insulted at you, bringing me to a place where someone calls me mum, that's very insulting about my age and my looks, you fucking piece of trash. Why do these things have a reload time anyway? Something about hit and runs, but this is your fault, not mine. Not my fault that fucking idiots explode the past governments, and now I'm stuck here with this idiotic THING!
"It's just better than the other arms, okay? It has special features".
"Aye, like me wand! See hur, es vare nice erm. Es the syame, yes mum? Same os yer erm. 'Special features' hmph!"
Wonderful. Fucking wonderful. Not only is he an idiot but now he's got a wand, and worst of all he probably thinks it's magic. I swear when I get home I'm going to smash you into bits. That's not true, I'm sorry. You're too goddamn expensive for that. I'm going to think real hard about it, though. I'll probably just scream obscenities at you while smashing something else and then make a cup of tea. That'll be nice. Forget Middle Age, I just want to have that cup of tea.
"Hey! What! What do you think you're doing? Stop that! You're going to burn all my clothes!"
"Oop, surry mum, methinks aye hayve er wand malfunked. Ets noo fern ther shopt, extra deal dey say, en aye say, 'Oo, but is ther malfunked?' en dey says 'No," but dey lye to litl me, dey lye. Bet what abert yer erm, urm?"
"It's like I said. It just... has special features. Like lights, stuff like that. It's stronger than my other arms. You can put it away, like this--"
"OOOO! En aye tel ye, aye sed et to ther shopt onas! Aye sed ye needs sumtin special aye says, sumtin like side erms! Side erms!"
Oh dear god. You fucking watch. I'm gonna smash you to bits.
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